The Journey of Grief as Reflected in the Book of Job ©
By Shari Markwardt

Grief is something that each one of us will have to go through at some point in our lives. It is the price we pay for our intense love of another individual. Grief over the loss of a loved one is difficult and may seem like an insurmountable mountain. However, with God’s Word as your guide you will be able to reach the other side of that mountain to a future that, though different, is still blessed by God. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” (Jer. 29:11).

The biblical Book of Job is one that is not often considered a book about grief. It is generally regarded as a book that both demonstrates Job’s faith in his time of suffering and reveals the character of God. Yet “the Word of God is living and active” (Heb. 4:12a). It is able to reveal its truths in new and exciting ways. The Book of Job does exactly this as it is read through the eyes of grief. The Book of Job is a pictorial of the grief journey as Job receives God’s blessings through his suffering.

The Bible tells us that Job was “blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil” (Job 1:1). He was very prosperous and lived a good life. “He was the greatest man among all the people of the East” (Job 1:3b), and yet he was not immune from tragedy and loss. In a single day Job lost his livelihood and his seven children. Next, he lost his health. Job’s wife suffered these same losses and also watched as her husband’s health deteriorated. Both Job and his wife were experiencing grief.

God has created each individual uniquely and; therefore, each individual will grieve uniquely. Hence, there are many different grief styles even within a family. This is true for Job and his wife. Job’s reaction to his great loss was to fall down in worship and say, “‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.’ In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing” (Job 1:21-22). This praising of the LORD does not mean that he did not grieve. We are also told that he tore his robe, shaved his head and sat among the ashes. These are all signs of mourning. This was Job’s grief style.

Job’s wife, on the other hand, had a very different reaction to her loss. She too had lost the family income, her children and her husband’s health. Whereas Job’s reaction was one of praise to the LORD, her reaction seems to be one of anger, fear and frustration. She said to Job, “Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die?” (Job 2:9). She had given up and wondered what was the point of living. This was Job’s wife’s grief style.

God accepts all of our grief styles. He knows our hearts. God did not punish Job’s wife for her outburst to her husband. Rather, He loved her through it. God does the same for us. As we grieve, we will be among family and friends who are experiencing the same loss, but who are grieving differently than us. We must know that there is no right way to grieve and, therefore, we must be accepting of others’ grief styles. No matter what your grief style, the grief journey can be one of loneliness. The temptation may be to isolate oneself from others who cannot possibly understand what you may be experiencing, but God has created us for community. This was His intention from the beginning of creation. “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’” (Gen. 2:18). In community we are to “be devoted to one another in brotherly love” (Rom. 12:10a) and to “rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Rom. 12:15). Therefore, it is in community, not isolation, that one may heal from grief.

Although healing happens in community, sometimes that community will not understand how to be supportive. Friends or family may not know what to say or may say all the wrong things in an effort to be helpful. Job experienced this as his friends came to offer him comfort. At first, they mourned with him by weeping aloud, tearing their robes and sprinkling dust on their heads. “Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was” (Job 2:13). What a comfort this must have been for Job! Sometimes just the presence of a friend can bring more comfort than any words could ever offer.

However, silence can be deafening, and friends may feel compelled to say or do something to bring comfort and healing. Unfortunately, they may say all the wrong things. Eventually Job’s friends could no longer remain silent. In turn, they each offered unhelpful advice. They said all the wrong things. His friends were suggesting that Job was being disciplined for some sin, but the discipline was for his good. “Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty” (Job 5:17). They suggested that “if you will look to God and plead with the Almighty, if you are pure and upright, even now He will rouse Himself on your behalf and restore you to your rightful place” (Job 8:5-6). Job’s friends gave 15 chapters worth of advice to help him heal from his tragedy. Yet none of this advice aided Job in his grief.

Just as Job’s friends tried to bring Job comfort but completely failed in doing so, we too may have friends draw near who want to “fix” us. They may offer unhelpful, unsolicited advice that only adds to our grief. It is important to try to appreciate both their presence and their intent. It may be beneficial to evaluate their advice in order to glean anything that may be helpful as you move forward in your grief journey.

Sometimes it may seem impossible to be comforted, impossible to move forward. You may be stuck in grief. When grief grabs hold, even normal daily routines can seem unbearable and negative thoughts may fill your mind. Again, we can look to the Book of Job as he endured such grief that he cried out, “I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil” (Job 3:26). In fact, negative thoughts crept in making him wish that he had never been born. Being stuck in grief is not only unhelpful, but it is also unhealthy. The only way to get unstuck is to change your thinking. Who better to help with this than God Himself? “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You” (Isaiah 26:3).

As we walk through the grief journey, there are often many questions for God. “Why?” “Why my loved one?” “Why now?” “Why have You done this to me?” Job wrestled with his own questions for God. “If I have sinned, what have I done to You, O watcher of men? Why have You made me Your target? Have I become a burden to You?” (Job 7:20). “Why do You hide Your face and consider me Your enemy?” (Job 13:24). Job wondered why God had brought this great calamity upon him that resulted in such a deep state of grief and physical pain. Yet in all of Job’s questioning and crying out to God, he remained reverent and respectful to his LORD. “As long as I have life within me, the breath of God in my nostrils, my lips will not speak wickedness, and my tongue will utter no deceit” (Job 27:3-4). We too can come to God with our questions and our complaints.

God does indeed welcome our questions, complaints and requests as Philippians 4:6-7 states, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” This does not mean that we will receive answers to all of our questions. Job, after all, never learned why he and his wife suffered through such tragic losses. Ultimately, we must lean on the sovereignty of God. He alone has supreme power and authority over all things, as He very clearly indicates in chapters 38-41 of the Book of Job. This should bring us comfort and increased trust in our God. He is in control even when we do not understand the “whys.” “The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing” (Zeph. 3:17).

As we move forward in our grief journey, we can do so with hope. We can rely on the sovereignty of God and put our trust in Him as we look toward the future. Job models this for us when he says, “I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see Him with my own eyes – I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!” (Job 19:25-27). Job was able to say these words because he knew his God. He knew the character of God and was in relationship with Him. This same hope is for us as we lean on God and His Word to help us move forward in our grief journey and look to the future.

In the midst of grief, the Book of Job can be a helpful tool for healing and restoration. We learn that the loss of a loved one is not a punishment from God. He is sovereign and we can trust Him with our deep pain and questions. However, we must remember that, like Job, we may not receive the answers to these questions on this side of heaven. The Book of Job also demonstrates that each of us may have different grief styles. We may also encounter unsolicited and unhelpful advice from friends just as occurred with Job. Yet the most helpful healing tool found in the Book of Job is the hope that can only be found in our Redeemer. Through Him we have hope for both the present and the future. God walked alongside Job in his grief journey and blessed him on the other side of grief. God restored both his health and his wealth and blessed him with more children. We never forget our deceased loved ones, but we can look forward to the future that God has in store for us. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28). We are honoring our loved one as we continue to live the life that God has called us to until the day, we are reunited with Him and all of those who have gone before us. To God be all glory and praise! Amen.